Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Packing my bags again. How things change!

Holy Fucking Bloma, Batman!!

So yeah, I haven't really written anything since April, choosing instead to get my head all muddled up and sent off to the abbatoir to get well and truly slaughtered. I sorta just put my head down, and without realising it, a third of 2010 just trickled away and suddenly I was sitting on a park bench, covered in coldsores and wanking off an old man.

(That last bit's not true, but I've not written anything graphic in months and wanted to treat you all.)

Anyway, I'm back.

"What's happened in the past 4 months??" I hear my few remaining followers ask.

Well, where was I 4 months ago?

-I had 2 jobs.
-I had an important exam fast approaching.
-I lived with my flatmate Sparkleberry
-I was getting ready for Sparkleberry's wedding
-I was single
-I smoked cigarettes like a train.
-I was broke.
-I was depressed.


I have 0 jobs.
I have an important resit fast approaching (my first ever 'fail')
I have moved out of the flat, made somewhat 'third wheeley' by the arrival of Sparkleberry's new wife.
I've quit smoking cigarettes (but still love the old pipe!!)
I have a proper grown-up relationship thing going with a girlfriend woman.
I'm still broke.
I have CHRONIC writer's block.
I'm happy.

So I lost my jobs, failed my exams, became (voluntarily) homeless and haven't written anything in months.

There's probably too much in the above list of things to go into too much depth about. So this is a mere ripple in the pool before I dive back into blogging again. Let's just draw a line under the last third of the year as being officially UNDER THE RADARRRRRRRRRR.

At the moment, I'm sitting on my girlfriend's bed, looking at the pile of clothes that will soon represent my luggage before I go back to Ireland to study before my exam on the 23rd of August. This week has been mostly study (except for a fucking bonza trip to the zoo with THE LADY) but there has been one big thing.

My friend Ruairí (Rufus) who has been mentioned here before started a hashtag game on Twitter called #badtvpitches. 5 of us started playing yesterday and's gone febrile. We've had celebs endorse it, it was a trending topic in Ireland yesterday and featured today on Ireland's biggest radio station 2FM.

The game is simple, an example of a few of my own being:

PIMP MY RIYADH: Saudi capital invites X-zibit or Tim Westwood to put subwoofers and rhinestones everywhere. #badtvpitches

TOLKEIN OF MY AFFECTION: autistic savant learns Quenya to write romantic sonnets to a librarian. #badtvpitches

PROCTOR & GAMBON: Short-lived detective series with Lance Kinsey (from Police Academy) and @TheGambon Michael Gambon #badtvpitches

LAA-LAA YAKUZA: Yellow Tellytubby decides to leave the Somme and enter the Japanese criminal underworld with her orange ball. #badtvpitches

I'd love it if y'all played. And followed me in the process. And sent me some money or heroin or something.


So yeah, I'm back. Lucky you.



  1. oh how ive missed u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    im sorry about the shitty things.. but im glad ur happy.

    what happens next after u got back to ireland??

  2. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hahahah that's soooo funny. what a GREAT game!!!

    i often think to myself, but usually with commercials or reality shows that i find utterly ridiculous, how some bigwig ad man made a story board, wiped his brow before walking into "the big meeting" & pitched a totes ridiculous idea, then... stood there, anxiously awaiting, while the big boss looked at him, everyone else around the boardroom table holding their breathe, until he says "i love it". then... it's on tv & we see it & think "who comes UP with this shit?"

    anyway. i have missed you so much. i've missed myself. i miss the "simple days" hahahah

    hope to read more soon.