Monday, December 31, 2012

Introspection on the Eve of the Year-Death

It's that time of year again folks, the time when I wake up in a cold sweat after weeks of partying and realise that another year is about to die and that I'm not sure if I've achieved anything, or bettered the world in any way possible. Y'know, that lovely ould feeling of mortality that conspires to make you feel like as worthless as a flea-ridden badger pelt.

I love that feeling. It's ace.

The past weeks have, if I'm honest, been a bit of a blur. Company xmas party (where I danced for 5 hours in a tuxedo and a fez), team xmas party (where we dressed up as medieval sorts and attended a wench-served banquetting hall) and the endless succession of festive catch-ups with friends and loved ones.

Then there was christmas itself: christmas eve, christmas day, and Boxing Day...all accompanied by food and drink...copious amounts of drink. I took the missus home with me to spend the holiday with my family, and now she's considering entering rehab. It was a lot of fun, but now I'm just about ready for a massive spell of detox and rest.

So now it's NYE, and I'm sitting in my boxers watching my (slightly insane) girlfriend dance around listening to 90's dance music while she gets ready. She's like a demented toddler, on crack, but the song is good for the end of the year.

SO, introspection. What was good, and what was shite about this year?

  1. Social retreat (from almost everyone I hold dear) and the loss of huge swathes of memory.
  2. Physical deterioration (I gradually became a big huge fat fucker, topping at 15st 8 - #fatcunt)
  3. Near-perpetual money worries.
  4. Horrendously neglecting, and forgetting how to blog (three posts in a year! woohoo!!).
  5. Doing nothing to move away from a job I realise I seriously dislike. 
  6. Procrastination in writing, the thing I actually want to do for a living.
  7. Drinking too much, sleeping too little, taking my health for granted and waking up on the floor of my living room a few too many time.
  8. Psycho-fucking-therapy.
  9. My best mate moving away from London.
  10. Not finishing writing the novel I promised myself I'd complete, in spite of having loads of time to do it in.
  11. Finding out last week that one of my best friends was knocked over in a hit and run collision, and is now lying in hospital in Belfast. The cunt driving the car hasn't been found, and Stephen is in an induced come, though showing signs of stability and improvement.

So that all sounds pretty shite, eh? But there were a few great times as well...

  1. A holiday I took with the Missus to Italy in September. (The pasta!! The wine!! The PIZZA!!) and another not-so-good (but fun) trip to Egypt in April.
  2. Paying off my debts with my annual bonus.
  3. Writing a pilot drama script for a Channel 4 screenwriting competition. I didn't win, but I  completed the fucker in two days and was really pleased with it. It gave me a bit of confidence that I could do this for a living, in spite of the rejection and mad, murderous doubts.
  4. Finally figuring out what I want to do with my life, and coming up with a rough plan for the next year. (It involves a lot of writing).
  5. Getting back into boxing and exercise and shifting some of the blubber I'd accumulated. Much more to do there.
  6. Running the Dublin marathon on 29th October and finishing, despite twisting my knee. 
  7. The trip to Dublin for the marathon; meeting my best mates, staying in my first 5 star hotel, and going on some epic Dublin pub crawls.
  8. Xmas with the Missus and my crazy family.

On the whole, it seems this year had more bad times than good, but I'm quietly optimistic for the new year. I'll be 26 in a few weeks, and I'm spending my holiday India! Plus, I've got a few resolutions that I'll be trying my best to stick to, and which might make me a bit happier in my life.

So I think that's enough introspection for now, although I sadly realise that all these good and bad points could have made a separate blog entry, so I'll have to stop being such a lazy bastard.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you have a lovely evening, and you all have a wonderful 2013.



  1. Sorry to hear about your friend, I hope he turns out alright!

    A lot of your "bad" things about this year are similar to mine. Especially the job situation. Maybe this year, though!

    Happy New Year!