Monday, February 15, 2010

In Dreams

Sometimes when I close me eyes at night and I can't sleep and my mind goes on a little expedition. I get either one of two really mental trains of thought, both of which fascinate and terrify me in equal measure.

One is a weird ethereal sense of having a great deal of pent-up energy, like an atom bomb or a geyser, but being unable to vent it, because everything is in slow motion. I'll lie there, with music pounding in my head and this inner video footage of me trying to run or act as fast as my mind is whirring but being constrained by the slow motion. Then I'll open my eyes and realise I've been clenching my jaw. It's like the seratonin storm that jolted through me when I used to take antidepressants.

The other is another inner piece of video footage. I'll be in a room and, as if with a camera, my focus will zoom into a small part on it, onto something unobtrusive like the leg of a chair or a square of the wall. Very slowly, like Chinese water torture, like my eyes are attached to one of those massive crawler tracked-platforms that NASA use to move the Space Shuttle into position. Then, when I get really freaked out by this, and my mind's eye jerks away from this image, and I relax again, the whole fucking process starts again.

Sometimes the two combine.
They're not exactly dreams, but I think there's probably some lovely Freudian subtext about fear of dying or something.


It's kinda like this, but less chirpy:

Sleep Tight.

1 comment:

  1. I'm not sure what Freud would say about these dreams or whatever-they-are, but no doubt it is directly linked to some brain chemical. I'm wondering if it might be possible to plant some kind of suggestion, a bit like a post-hypnotic one, to change these experiences?