20-something bloggers BLOGSWAP!! Vittoria and I discuss Beyoncé

Greetings!!

Today, I am honoured to have a lady come to visit my blog, as part of the 20sb blogswap. In the run-up to this, Vittoria and I got waaaay too excited talking about Beyoncé (not in that way, pervs) and decided that we ought to both rant about how great and shit some of her songs can be. You can check out her jolly amazing blog here and see what a real blogger's stuff is like.
Without much further ado, it a great honour to present Vittoria!

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Hello all!!! My name is Vittoria, and I’m subbing for Conor today (I know, I’m sorry in advance). I’m from the States, currently living in our nation’s capital (YES WITH BARACK OBAMA ZOMG!) and as my blog is entitled, I am pretty much always drunk, and never a bride. With that, away we go!!

So.

I’m kind of a bad girl. Not like Fiona Apples “I’ve been a bad, bad girl…”. No no. Like I do a disservice to my gender, sometimes. Par example, I hate – HATE – shopping. I mean, srsly. I don’t like girly mags (even the ones from across the Atlantic – sorry!). I never EVER wear make-up, unless it seems utterly necessary (like when I was trying to entice my current Boy and I wore eyeliner all the fucking time because I knew he fucking liked it but joke’s on him cause I haven’t worn it since we started sleeping together MUAHAHAHAHAHA).

Point is.

I’m a shitty female. And emblematic of this lack of honor for my vajayjay is my utter lack of love for the one, the only Beyonce. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed “Crazy in Love” and when “Naughty Girl” comes on, I always think “aw Lindsay Lohan, remember ‘Mean Girls’? Why did you go so far astray?!” But like, I mean, cmon. Her singing “At Last” at the inauguration of my bestie B. Obams? I don’t think so. I LOVED the song, the performance/performstress? Not so much.

Until.

Someone – some GLORIOUS person (I believe my sister Grace) – introduced me to “Single Ladies.” You know it. The one where she does the super fucking AWESOME dance with the two other super hot chicks and dudes are turned on cause of the moves and chicks are turned on because of the lyrics, and also, probably, the moves.

I mean, let’s be honest here.

It’s pretty fucking amazing, because it’s pretty much what ever girl wants to have happen in a post-break-up-period. Dude dumps girl, girl finds new dude, old dude gets pissed, girl gets to be like “look you fucking douche, you should have gotten me when you had me, too EFFING bad.”

Wondrous.

I danced at Zumba to this song, at BARS to this song (and usually I only jive to music of the Bon Jovi variety). I woke up to it, I got ready for the EVENING for it, I just couldn’t get enough of Beyonce!

And then she came out with another.

“If I were a boy” is of the same variety of “Single Ladies”, in that it’s SO EXACTLY WHAT GIRLS WOULD SAY. Except in this case, it’s what they WOULD have said.

When they were 15.

When I was 15, I was like “oh my GOD if only RS would just LET ME INSIDE HIS HEAD I know know KNOW I could teach him to love me forever!” and when aforementioned RS started dating someone else, I was like “GOD if only I were a FREAKING BOY I would NEVER hurt a girl like that EVER”.

It was super mature, I know.

The best and worst thing about “if I were a boy” is that it groups all boys under the male category. Boys, in all honesty, ARE shitty human beings to girls. And girls are pretty fucking dumb as well, but in different, equally-hurtful-to-female ways. MEN, however, are not. Men are wonderful creatures, who make you breakfast and watch Friends with you and don’t judge you when you’re on your eighth freak out of the day because you’re getting your period.

Well. SOME men.

The point is, that while Beyonce has TOTES got it right in “Single Ladies” – ie, if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it, motherfucker – she probably should have clarified “If I were a boy” by titling it “If I were that 16 year old boy who ripped your heart out and probably is a drunk frat 30-yr-old frat boy in the middle of nowheresville, America. Oh and he’s fat, too”. That conveys the same, some males are stupid sometimes idea that Single Ladies does, without fucking over all men everywhere.

Mmm. Fucking men.

Uh, what was I saying? Ah yes. In short? I suck at being female, but Beyonce can totally rock my world anytime she wants, and SO CAN EFFING CONOR!!! Thanks you guys for reading! And stop by the blog whenever you’re in the mood for drunken-slutastic-cursing. XOXO