Introspection on the Eve of the Year-Death

It's that time of year again folks, the time when I wake up in a cold sweat after weeks of partying and realise that another year is about to die and that I'm not sure if I've achieved anything, or bettered the world in any way possible. Y'know, that lovely ould feeling of mortality that conspires to make you feel like as worthless as a flea-ridden badger pelt.


I love that feeling. It's ace.


The past weeks have, if I'm honest, been a bit of a blur. Company xmas party (where I danced for 5 hours in a tuxedo and a fez), team xmas party (where we dressed up as medieval sorts and attended a wench-served banquetting hall) and the endless succession of festive catch-ups with friends and loved ones.

Then there was christmas itself: christmas eve, christmas day, and Boxing Day...all accompanied by food and drink...copious amounts of drink. I took the missus home with me to spend the holiday with my family, and now she's considering entering rehab. It was a lot of fun, but now I'm just about ready for a massive spell of detox and rest.

So now it's NYE, and I'm sitting in my boxers watching my (slightly insane) girlfriend dance around listening to 90's dance music while she gets ready. She's like a demented toddler, on crack, but the song is good for the end of the year.

SO, introspection. What was good, and what was shite about this year?

BAD

1. Social retreat (from almost everyone I hold dear) and the loss of huge swathes of memory.
2. Physical deterioration (I gradually became a big huge fat fucker, topping at 15st 8 - #fatcunt)
3. Near-perpetual money worries.
4. Horrendously neglecting, and forgetting how to blog (three posts in a year! woohoo!!).
5. Doing nothing to move away from a job I realise I seriously dislike. 
6. Procrastination in writing, the thing I actually want to do for a living.
7. Drinking too much, sleeping too little, taking my health for granted and waking up on the floor of my living room a few too many time.
8. Psycho-fucking-therapy.
9. My best mate moving away from London.
10. Not finishing writing the novel I promised myself I'd complete, in spite of having loads of time to do it in.
11. Finding out last week that one of my best friends was knocked over in a hit and run collision, and is now lying in hospital in Belfast. The cunt driving the car hasn't been found, and Stephen is in an induced come, though showing signs of stability and improvement.

So that all sounds pretty shite, eh? But there were a few great times as well...


GOOD

1. A holiday I took with the Missus to Italy in September. (The pasta!! The wine!! The PIZZA!!) and another not-so-good (but fun) trip to Egypt in April.
2. Paying off my debts with my annual bonus.
3. Writing a pilot drama script for a Channel 4 screenwriting competition. I didn't win, but I  completed the fucker in two days and was really pleased with it. It gave me a bit of confidence that I could do this for a living, in spite of the rejection and mad, murderous doubts.
4. Finally figuring out what I want to do with my life, and coming up with a rough plan for the next year. (It involves a lot of writing).
5. Getting back into boxing and exercise and shifting some of the blubber I'd accumulated. Much more to do there.
6. Running the Dublin marathon on 29th October and finishing, despite twisting my knee. 
7. The trip to Dublin for the marathon; meeting my best mates, staying in my first 5 star hotel, and going on some epic Dublin pub crawls.
8. Xmas with the Missus and my crazy family.

On the whole, it seems this year had more bad times than good, but I'm quietly optimistic for the new year. I'll be 26 in a few weeks, and I'm spending my holiday abroad...in India! Plus, I've got a few resolutions that I'll be trying my best to stick to, and which might make me a bit happier in my life.

So I think that's enough introspection for now, although I sadly realise that all these good and bad points could have made a separate blog entry, so I'll have to stop being such a lazy bastard.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you have a lovely evening, and you all have a wonderful 2013.

x

'The Cave Dweller', or 'Whatever happened to the last few Years?'

 Harumph.

So I haven't blogged in a while, a long while. Yesterday, I happened to click into my bookmarked pages, and this bloggo came up, and I shamefacedly had a look.

Nothing. Nothing happening at all. It was about as much fun as a 'Make a Wish' daytrip to Chernobyl, and not even half as entertaining. I looked over at the section marked 'The Past' and was surprised to see:
2011 (3)
2010 (42)
2009 (78)

Not even a single post from 2012 - how terrible.

My little blog had gone from being a (hopefully) funny and well-written online journal, to a dirty, festering, stinking, lethargic pile of shite; lazy and insignificantly dull.

In the last two years, I more or less gave up on the whole blogosphere heart-on-sleeve approach to writing, and tried to write a book. Also, I got a girlfriend, a real life one this time, and the relationship soon surpassed my previous record of 9 weeks. I soon got involved in the trivial and wonderful aspects of having a lady-woman to report to, part of which probably meant quitting from divulging my shameful, drunken antics to internet strangers, and I 'settled down'. Yuck.

Anyway, I'm still with the lovely woman (she's a mad Jewess with curly hair and a wicked sense of humour) in our little cave that we share in Fulham, and I'm still writing my book, which is about a crazy man, but I'm happy to return to the Pizza Box and pick up where I left off.

One reason for this turnaround is that I have no memories from the past two years, and very few from the past three or four other than the ones I can glean from Facebook, the photos saved to my harddrive, and past posts here. Seriously, hardly any at all!

I lived in a bit of an insomniac, drunken haze since I moved back to Ireland from the USA, and I stayed in my little shadow world thereafter, until a few weeks ago when I had a sudden moment of awakening and found to my horror that I was 25, and sleepwalking through my life. I had ballooned in weight, was seeing a shrink, had taken to sleeping all day during the weekend, and went for days at a time without speaking. When I did speak, it was either to snap or bark at someone, or rasp sarcastically. I had gone from being a cheerful sort of chap to becoming a bit of a cunt. I'd even fucked my career up! I was supposed to be a lawyer, remember? But I can definitely recall being invited not to continue my career with the firm I was supposed to work with. Good job, Conbot.

Years had passed, and I had lost the way of myself a bit and woke up to the great hangover of the truth that I had missed at least four years of my life. My personality had completely changed, and I had no idea who I was. I'm sure there are people I knew when I was younger who wouldn't even recognise me.

It's bizarre, I rummage through my bureau in my room, and find the manuscript to a novel I've been writing and it's 60,000 words. I have only vague memories of writing a lot of it, and have had to rediscover the characters and the plot.

Other things are harder. I saw a picture of a friend of mine on Facebook, a girl from University. She and I were 'rather close' then, and I can barely remember more than a few glimpses. Not even the bad stuff, which I'm sure was abundant (if she was hanging out with me!)

So I contacted a load of my friends and gave them the skinny. I had fallen off the radar and plummeted headfirst into a large quagmire of shite and doubt, changing from a happy scamp into a hairy recluse man. I asked those friends I could remember to help me by loaning me some of their memories, and that's why I'm back.

Over the next few weeks and months, I'll post what these friends reply to me with, and try to add my own memories of what they mean to me. It'll be as new to me as it will be to any of you suckers who stick around to read.

At best, I might get some memories back and maybe rebuild my blog. At worst, I'll chase what remaining followers I have into the ocean.

We'll see.
C

Off to the London!!

So World War Three. Whilst I love my family dearly, the arguments have been getting more frequent, the silences a bit frosty and a slight misunderstanding (caused last night where i got my brother drunk and then, this morning had a blazing row with my dad) today. Luckily, the little apocalyptic argument that occurred vented the 'stration and now all's kosher again.

However, now on to the big news. I'm leaving. It's not you it's me. I'm getting up at 6, getting a coach to Belfast City George Best Airport, getting an aeroplane to Heathrow and officially going 'over the water'...again. Moving away has me excited.

So, although this is a small post, and quite non-descript, it's actually a massive turning point for me.

I'll be offline for a few days while I settle on a flat, but I'll try to take lots of photos, and may be needing some commenting advice on flats.

Wish me luck!
Con
x

101 THINGS TO DO IN 1001 DAYS

I got this idea from the lovely hostess of Live in Imagination who in turn got it from the Day Zero Project.

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (i.e. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (i.e. represent some amount of work on my part).

Italics - haven't started
Bold - In progress
Strikethrough – Completed

START DATE: Tuesday 8th September 2009
END DATE: Tuesday 5th June 2012

1. Quit Smoking Cigarettes
2. Run a marathon, preferably the London Marathon.
3. Enter the Mongol Rally
4. Complete the Mongol Rally…or failing that; get as far as physically possible without dying.
5. Raise £3000+ for charity
6. Get my driving license (before January 2010)
7. Get my first car. (Not the Mongol Rally one, that one will be held on trust for the person who’ll take possession of it when I finally reach Ulan Baatar)
8. Buy a fitted suit from a Saville Row tailor (this one is a bit ambitious, as the average SR suit costs about £5000)
9. Play, and win a game of vingt et un at the Monte Carlo Casino
10. Have a piece published in a big newspaper/magazine
11. Submit a completed script for review by a production company.
12. Submit a completed manuscript for a novel for review by a publishing house.
13. Begin either salsa or swing dancing classes.
14. Compose three new tunes that can be played by an Irish trad band.
15. Write and perform a 10-minute stand-up routine at the Comedy Store.
16. Have at least 1 more boxing match, for charity.
17. Read Wuthering Heights (and try not to root for Heathcliff.)
18. Shave my head.
19. Travel to Lexington VA, to visit my friends there (must be completed before March 2010)
20. See New York in winter.
21. Travel to Africa.
22. Try Speed Dating.
23. Begin to learn another language, and have made some progress in fluency by the end-date.
24. Learn how to play ‘Pink Moon’ by Nick Drake on guitar.
25. See Yann Tiersen in concert again.
26. See King Crimson perform ‘Court of the Crimson King’ live. Somehow.
27. Make peace with RK, for Karma reasons.
28. Return the books I borrowed from my friend John Lamont in May 2008 – that are sitting on a bookshelf right in front of me.
29. Have a conversation with either Stephen Fry or Will Self.
30. See 10 live stand-up gigs
31. Live nocturnally for a week.
32. Find the exact pub in which I helped my uncle install AV equipment this summer (when I was in England that’s what I did sometimes) It’s called ‘The Aviator” and it’s in some part of SW London.
33. Take a flying lesson.
34. Read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy books again.
35. Get tickets to be in the audience for the radio recordings of what will be a TV comedy show. e.g. – That Mitchell and Webb Sound OR Get tickets to be in the audience for an episode of QI.
36. Meet Charlie Brooker.
37. Go vegetarian for a month.
38. Find a flat in London.
39. Punch a racist. Right in the kisser. Preferably a card-carrying member of the BNP.
40. Go to a normal mass (not a wedding/funeral etc) once again just to make sure I’m 100% about the atheism thing.
41. Begin and maintain a letter-writing correspondence with GO’M and J-AS.
42. Read War and Peace
43. Visit Edinburgh for a weekend.
44. Grow my hair long, just to see if I have to patience for it.
45. Get another tattoo.
46. Learn the Czech Song ‘Jozin z Bazin’.
47. Watch every film John Candy made.
48. Drive on highway 66.
49. See the original copydex scroll that ‘On the Road’ is written on.
50. Read Les Miserables by Victor Hugo.
51. Learn how to cook an haute cuisine three course meal
52. Visit a Turkish bath.
53. Find out how a car engine works, and get a basic knowledge of how to fix it when it cocks up.
54. Buy a hammock.
55. Find a nice tobacconists shop in London, with a nice blended pipe-tobacco to rival my favourite – Peterson’s Connoisseur’s Choice.
56. Visit Cuba and have a proper mojito.
57. Along with my Rally partner – Ruairí Ó Maolain – come up with a spec. outline for a television comedy.
58. Shave the beard…at some point.
59. Buy an overcoat, one that will last for years.
60. Watch the entire Stanley Kubrick back catalogue.
61. Fire a crossbow at a scarecrow, or some other equally alluring target.
62. Arrive at an airport and have someone waiting with a sign bearing my name.
63. Get thrown out of a posh restaurant.
64. .Find a ‘local’ in London that does a good Guinness and a good pint of bitter..
65. Celebrate my 25th birthday in style. (Not too sure how to do this, but it can only be judged after the event.)
66. Attend a symphony performance of the Planets Suite by Gustav Holst. Must be accompanied by a date/friend.
67. Play a session with a bluegrass band.
68. Learn to play one song on the mandolin.
69. Watch every episode of The Wire
70. Read either Milton’s Paradise Lost or Dante’s Inferno
71. Shoot a Lee Enfield Mk3 .303 rifle, or a Thompson .45 SMG.
72. Have a reunion with two of the best friends I ever had: Gabrielle DeCourcy and Theresa Dougherty.
73. Plant and grow a lavender bush.
74. Try to blag my way into a gentleman’s Club to see what the fuss is all about.
75. Find a small, reasonably priced Italian restaurant in London that does delicious food.
76. Attend Margaret Thatcher’s funeral, just to make sure she’s dead.
77. See/Hear Itzhak Perlman perform live in concert.
78. Drive along the Blue Ridge Mountains, just once more. Preferably while listening to Fleet Foxes.
79. Buy a set of Christmas presents that have been 100% thought out, and bought at least a month before Christmas. OR, make a present.
80. Meet two of my online heroes: The Novelista Barista and Nik from Serendipi-tea.
81. Do ‘Morning pages’ for a whole month, to try and develop the habit of writing.
82. Sleep in a coffin, just for a few hours.
83. ‘Get in shape’, whatever that may mean (basically get back into the shape I was in around January/February when I was boxing except about 1 stone heavier and not as skinny)
84. Try to appear as ‘the man in the street’ on the news, but with a pirate voice and a previously unnoticed limp.
85. Teach a Minah Bird how to say a phrase in Irish, or make the noise of an extending lightsaber.
86. Attend a Ray Mears survival weekend.
87. Do something incredibly stupid but cool: skydive/bungee jump etc
88. Show something that I’ve written to my grandfather, great uncle Brian or ‘uncle’ Stephen for their professional opinion.
89. Qualify as an Attorney for the State of New York by passing the bar exam.
90. Meet Alexa Chung, Rosamund Pike or Gemma Arterton and try not to trip over my tongue. (The ‘stretch’ here is maintaining a conversation and not automatically hyperventilating or asking them to marry me.)
91. Drive an Aston Martin DB6.
92. Have my wee sis over to London to see a show for her 16th birthday.
93. Eat a fish that I’ve caught, cleaned and cooked. (Not a huge stretch, but must be a cod or mackerel, caught off Cruit Island in Co. Donegal, which is the greatest place in the world, but a place that I never see as often as I’d like.)
94. Win a pub quiz – in first place.
95. Become proficient with cryptic crosswords and be able to complete the Times crossword alone.
96. Start a vegetable patch or a herb garden.
97. Enter a Texas Hold’Em Competition
98. Read Ulysses again (now that I’m old enough to understand it)
99. Save 12.5% of what I earn for a year.
100. Qualify as a solicitor.










101. Write another list.