Dealing With Boredom - Everything Is Better On A Boat

I was grumbling the other day that the relaxation of the summer has given me a rather shocking case of writer's block. Whilst this hasn't had the worst effect on my blogging, it has rather naused up the plan I had to finish a novel I'm working on before September. I sent a plea amongst my 20sb friends to give me ideas of short things to write, in the hope that it would spark the old neurons back into life and waited for the replies to, well...not FLOOD in, but, y'know, trickle lethargically.

Luckily, the folks at 20sb, and the occasional chaps who read this wee blog are good sports and I've had a few suggestions for 'homework' that I'm currently working on. I'll be putting those up on a separate blog pretty soon and I'll link it to this one, but treat it like a mistress. A little indulgent treat for me when I can find the time. The posts will probably be a bit wordy, so it's more for me, although there might one or two things that you find a tad interesting.

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Today, I had one of the best days I've had in absolutely ages. The aunt and uncle (S&D) have a boat and, being the young, cool types that they are, we spent ALL day on it. It was bliss.

We pottered about Maidstone for a while, doing a few chores and having a lovely little lunch in a cool wee café. They picked the kids up from school, and soon we were breezing along in their convertible in the most beautiful weather to Chatham marina. I got a chance to mess about with their car while we waited, which I had a LOT of fun with, mucked about with the wee cousin and after helping th'uncle get all the coverings on the boat, we set off.

(bee-tee-dubs: if you have an aversion to whiter-than-white Casper skin, then the links may have a damaging effect on your poor retina and leave your temporarily blind, there was a lot of glare from the sun bouncing off my rotten hide.)

Chatham docks are really cool. When my dad was 14 he started working there (circa 1973) and it was really cool to jet along with S&D and the little'uns and see the old dockbuildings and gun wharf where he would have worked. There are hundreds of cool little boats; old US navy land-lease cutters from about 1940, little houseboats that look like wrecks and a few hand-made yachts made of Norwegian pine (one of which I will someday own) and glistening with varnish. It was amazing.

There's a few miles of river between Chatham and Maidstone where we were going to moor the boat, but I managed to have a VERY Duran Duran few moments lolling on the stern. Any cobwebs that had acumulated in the past few days were well and truly blown out from between my ears and I had such a cheesy fucking grin on my face. As you can see here, I was clearly awash in a tsunami of joy:





D gave me a chance to drive/pilot/whatever-the-word his beautiful boat all along the sleepy little twisty greenery bits towards Maidstone; through ridiculously pretty little towns, past castles, along horribly quaint hamlets that seemed to be mostly made of tweed and high tea and crumpets. It was jolly good fun and I really enjoyed learning a completely new skill. Usually whenever I am in control of a vehicle, I either panic and start to giggle, or get a bit angry at all other vehicle users and end up calling someone a c*nt. Not this time. It was challenging, sure, but it was as fun as a bucketful of badgers playing the ukelele. I also saw a custom made pirate ship.

When we finally arrived at Maidstone, I was very very tired, very very red (Casper died in the sun) and had thoroughly enjoyed drinking lots of champagne. Just as we had finished buttoning up, the heavens opened and a terrific thunderstorm rent the sky in two, it was so cool.

As I sit here now, chilling out and watching t.v, I am very aware of several things:

1) I was in control of several vehicles today, which was a hoot.
2) I am rather sunburned, which has put me into a sense of shock
3) The thunderstorm outside is the tits.
4) QI repeats are fucking brilliant
5) I'm going to sleep well tonight. Like a Dutch nun (which I imagine is very well)
6) I had an amazing day.


Good Night to you all.
x

The 'Conk'

So, I was in the kitchen in S&D's today and we were getting through some of the stock from their nightclub that they recently wound up.

Feeling a tad creative, I grabbed the nearest two bottles; Midori and Smirnoff, and put them in a glass with ice. Then I took some cranberry juice and added that. Y'know, in case the melon and vodka weren't getting on. Then I added some soda (or 'sprite' as the Americans would say). Then I drank it.

It tasted jolly good. Thus began the night.

My new drink is named after the fact that my English aunt and uncle could never quite pronounce my name in Irish. Conchúr IS a difficult word for a non-gaelgeoir, so it's understandable that they call me conker.

Ladies and gentlemen,I give you...THE CONK.

NB. unfortunately one cannot patent a beverage, but I shall forever hold the drink very near to my heart as my own invention. Maybe one day it shall achieve greatness.

Good night!

Writer's Block

So, I've somehow walked headlong into the biggest case of writer's block I've had in months. It's fucking killing me. I'm trying to plough through a book that I'm writing, and now that I've got the time to do it, I can't think at all. It's not so bad for blogposts, which are short and easy to come up with, but's it murder when I'm trying to slowly tell a long story.

I've been living the soft life for a few weeks now; devoid (mostly) of drama, stress and even the vague hint that there may be any exams, breakups or any form of conflict. This means one of two things.

1) I've become a boring shite, and have no life, or
2) See option 1.

So, if any of you would be so kind, I should very much appreciate being set some homework. Basically, if any of you could suggest a topic/theme/plotline that I could write a very quick few hundred words about, I think it would fire up some of the comatose neurons and encourage me to write about what I actually (without currently knowing it) want to write about.


Either as a comment to this post, as a msg on 20sb or even as a tweet @conordarrall I will be your best friend.

Thanks
Con


ps - I accidentally sent out the 20sb email about this three or four times. Mea Culpa, my connection didn't let me know when the msg had been sent.

Life in the Rat Race...

The time in Kent is stressful. So very, very stressful. I don't know how I'll cope.

I flew in the usual way, collecting the usual share of arsehole molecules in my hair that is so very common with Ryanair. It began earlier than usual this time, the website crashing 24 hours before my flight so that I couldn't print out my booking. Despite my most reasoned and calm attempts to rectify this I was still charged £40 at the airport so that they could print out my muthafucking ticket.

Grrrr

I got the train down from Luton to Maidstone East and since then. It's been work work work.

An example of my horrific workload. My auntie had the fridge full of Jacques Cider, which she INSISTED that I drink, otherwise it would just sit there. I did. We sat and drank loads of cider and smoked a million cigarettes on Tuesday night. As I say; hard work.

I've got a meeting tomorrow with the Firm, to talk about what I'll do during my contract with them. In essence, I'll be organising my life until at least 2013, which is a bit trippy. From 9.30 to 5.30, I'll be attending meetings, listening to presentations about different areas of law, chatting to some partners and having lunch with them. Lots of glad-handing and charming conversation expected. We'll see... Although I had put aside time to meet a special person, I now doubt that I'll be able, unless I stay for a while... (where though?)

I'll be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to get all dolled up (or 'lolled up', from your perspective, because it's so very funny-looking) so that the lawyer types think that I'm respectable. I'll post a photo tomorrow.

The ridiculously tanned Aunt and Uncle (S&D) have been working on their garden and have just finished building a firepit...to compliment the hot tub. After some paperwork, and some humble refreshment (when I could find the time...) I had to see what it was like. I suppose it was okay.

Hopefully I'll be able to chill out tomorrow at the big law thing. Up til now I've been doing too much. If my hectic lifestyle keeps up at this pace I'll probably go mental. Or have a stress-induced heart attack. Good thing that the corporate law gig will be pretty chilled...and fun.

Until I'm besuitted tomorrow...I bid you all a good night. Wish me luck tomorrow (later today)

A Change of Scenery

Flights are booked, suit is being picked up from the dry cleaner in a few hours, going to get a 'smart work haircut', about to start packing and have polished the shoes.

Yes, something is afoot.

The Firm for whom I'll be working are having me over to London for a chit-chat on Friday and as I've been home for three weeks, and have reacted to the boredom of the holidays with ridiculous amounts of alcohol and by becoming a bit of a bon viveur, it is maybe time to take an adventure.

My Dad's family all live in Kent in the south of England, a beautiful area of the world known as 'the garden of England'. As you may be aware, the temperature at the moment there as approximately three degrees cooler than the surface of the sun, and shows no sign of changing. Lovely. I'm the sort of tough safari-man who gets a sunburn by standing too close to the toaster in the morning. I'm gonna be roasted.

This move is an attempt to fulfil several things at once:
1) I'm bored. I always look forward to the holidays, but always get ridiculously bored of them after about a fortnight. I sat a few days ago and stared at a beautifully arranged (but slightly suspicious-smelling) bunch of flowers for the Mother's 50th, for about two hours.

2) Although great fun, I'd like some adventures that don't have the words 'alcohol', 'concussion' or 'Bangkok lady-boys' inherent in their telling, and would like to pursue some wholesome tomfoolery of the sort seen in Midsomer Murders/Kingdom.

3) I'M TOTALLY FUCKING BROKE!! My aunt needs some work done to a nightclub she owns, and also has kids (my little cousins) whom I can look after and babysit. So some form of productive expenditure of time, a chance to flex the handy-man muscle and a chance to catch up with my cousins (one of whom, who has the same birthday as me, but is only 7, I've never met)

4) I have a very limited amount of the world's greatest resource, parental good will, left at my disposal. With a 'job' job lined up, the degree, and my recent attempts to not be a grumpy shite, I have some left. With no summer job, the fact I'm a nite owl and tramp about the house at all hours, and the fact that I'm somewhat gangly and take up a lot of room in our wee house, I don't have forever before the bank runs dry.


So, tomorrow morning I fly from City of Derry Airport to Luton, then spend the day in transit (which I love) ambling down over the iron road to Lahndan, then on to Chatham. It'll hopefully be lovely and sunny, and I'll have a million years worth of groovy tunes and, yes, my TERRIBLE SECRET to listen to. I'll stay with the Aunt, then go up to London on Friday. When I come back, I came dawdle or hurry at returning home, but hell, I have a free month, so why not see what happens?


I'll have my camera and laptop with me, so we can all share in the joy as I blindly stumble through the summer.

Wish me luck!

The Conor(s) Show

This is a recording of my old show, The Conor(s) Show.

Initially, it started out as The Conor Show, on WLUR 91.5FM in Lexington, VA. Then, when I returned to Ireland, Conor McQuillan joined and we became The Conor(s) Show, broadcasting on Trinity FM 93.7.

A cross between a music show and a comedy news show, it ran for five months from October to March this year. This recording was our entry for the 2009 Smedia Awards, where we were runners-up in the News and Current Affairs Category.

Download it here.

Written and presented by Conor Darrall and Conor McQuillan, I am the one who speaks the most, and Conor McQ is the funny one. ENJOY!

To all my American friends...

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

(you show those pesky aliens!)